Update.

When i created my Tumblr i didn’t want it to be anything to do with my actual life and feelings. Recently though it’s been the only place i can actually say how i’m feeling. 

For some time now i’ve spent too much time making people feel better about their crap lives. Seriously i deserve an Oscar for the amount of quick thinking and convincing act i have put on. So i decided to phase people out. Why? Because they are like not supportive of me. 

Anyways, this week is my ‘goodbye’ week before i move to New York. I get a text from 2 of the people i am phasing out. 

1) When do you go? When can i see you? > Soon and don’t know. She then asked why and then made no effort to actually meet up with me.

2) Have you deleted Facebook or aren’t you speaking to me? > No, i’m on Facebook must be a glitch. I’ve just been out to sea and now on the tour bus. {why?} because it’s my last days here before i move.> Ah Fair enough. 

Like seriously, why do i bother? I just told 2 people i am leaving soon, by soon i mean June 10th. 

As stupid as this is going to sound: I’ve been watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians and like they, despite any faults, love each other, they realise true relationships and value the good in their lives. I particularly like the “peak and pit” of the day. 

Tumblr is becoming my place to let everything out and i’m not overly comfortable with ruining my Tumblr but i know from experience that bottling it up only leads to deep depression and i cannot go back to being like that. 

In other news: My JC Mommy [i studied abroad at Juniata College] left me a Facebook message saying that she like cannot wait for me to get to the States and she’s super excited to see me. It’s so nice on a crap-ish day to have someone leave a little message like that. My dad has been in the hospital for a week but came home last night. It’s really hard to see a parent sick, like parents when you’re a child are invincible. 

I had the most amazing day yesterday saying goodbye to people. First, i met Danni for a nice walk along the pier and a drink at Harrys. At 12 i met up with Aimee for Lunch, also at Harrys, and we went out to sea, on the tour bus, up to the Abbey and everything. It was so much fun and we caught the sun super bad. I’m all brown now but we were a funny shade of reddy/brown by teatime. Unfortunately, i argued with Morris again. 

Monday: Peak: Dad coming home and my touristy day/tanning time.
            Pit: Arguing with Morris, having people text me and making no effort.

Tuesday: Peak: Riding Henry, JC Mommy message.

             Pit: Friend issues once again. 

A little catch up :)

I feel like recently i have neglected my blog. Obviously it’s only meant to be for fun, but it helps to put down thoughts and feelings in words sometimes.

For those who don’t know: I have a job in New York starting in about 3 weeks time. I have had SO many mixed emotions over it but ultimately i know it will be amazing; and if not, i can come home. 

From this experience so far i have realised that i have some very useless and shitty friends. Those are the ones who ignore me, neglect me and cannot even manage to say “congratulations” to my FACE when i tell them about New York. And because of this i have been phasing them out. So far so good. 

One of them asked me to be their maid of honour at Christmas. Naturally i accepted. However, hear it here first: i will not be at that wedding. Whilst i was honoured to have been asked and i have listened attentively to each boring detail of the ‘big’ day [July 2013] I have given up all hope of our ‘two way friendship’ which recently became a one way street. I am not being petty but from this particular friend who on many occasions has said “if you ever need a chat you know where i am” cancelled on my TWICE in one weekend when i specifically told her i NEEDED a chat because of complications with my living arrangement at uni. [boys i was living with threatened me etc] I really needed to talk to her, someone i knew outside the family and she let me down. She makes plans and cancels, well i’m sorry i know i’m no Royal etc but i am a person with feelings and therefore it is my duty to myself to cut all ties.

Another friend: if i didn’t know her, i’d say she has narcissistic disorder. I shall say no more. From that it is evident that our friendship AGAIN is a one way street. 

Childhood friend: I got a job in New York i told her with such glee and delight to which she replied *long pause* “oh right….do you want a drink?” [i went to see her at work, she works in a pub]

Again, i have not won a Nobel Prize or anything but for gods sake, i would have hoped someone could have been genuinely happy for me! I continuously spend my time convincing these people that their loserville lives are worth living and they have such good things in their life, things i do not have. [own house etc] but FUCK IT, do NOT drag me down with you because you lot failed at life so far. If you’re that bothered, change things! 

On the plus side: From this i have realised who my REAL friends are, and i know this is a good thing but i really wish i hadn’t gone through all the shit to find this out. I tend to have a good gut instinct with things and generally overall things have turned out okay with that instinct. From now on i am sticking by it. 

I met the most amazing friend i could have ever asked for in October, a little too late for uni but nonetheless i know for a fact we will stay in touch. She is so like me in film, tv, music and life. We share so many similarities its scary but mostly amusing when we get into pickles and neither of us can get out of them. She has also supported me through my decisions to phase people out. Consequently, another friend; Morris [not actually her name] and i are drifting apart rapidly because her boyfriend doesn’t like her having any other friends…so it seems. Clearly she cannot juggle relationships and friendships. she has thrown what we had out the window without a care in the world. 

New York is a new start for me. Just gotta pray i can make this work and if not, i can come home but i’ll never settle for a loserville life, i will never cover up mistakes/failures with cliche quotes and excuses. what will be will be and only i can change this/make this work.